


You Can't See Me

by Legendary_Belmondo



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: M/M, Satire, don't read for your own sanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 11:37:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12107895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legendary_Belmondo/pseuds/Legendary_Belmondo
Summary: John Cena and Hulk Hogan are on a lover's vacation together. Magic happens.





	You Can't See Me

**Author's Note:**

> This was a project for a college class that, somehow, garnered an A+. It seemed necessary to share with the world.

As the evening settled in around the quaint beach house, Hulk Hogan let out a satisfied sigh and threw himself onto the luxurious couch. This was his honeymoon retreat, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to spend it relaxing. His skin, already bearing a disturbing similarity to the dried and tanned hide of some kind of slaughtered animal, was incapable of darkening any more, but that didn’t mean Hulk didn’t enjoy being out in the sun. He loved the beach, loved taking a break from TV, and more than anything, he loved getting a chance to spend quality time with his special someone. 

And soon, that someone strode into the living room - nothing less than stark naked.

“By God’s green teeth, butter my ass and call me a biscuit,” Hulk breathed. His long, silky mustache quivered gently.

Before him stood an exquisite figure, the paradigm of virile masculinity – John Cena himself, his supple form gleaming as if set alight by the glow of dusk. He wore a broad, cattish smirk that suggested he  _ knew _ he was irresistible. 

“Do you like what you….” Halfway through his sentence, John’s form flickered, then suddenly grew transparent, before ultimately disappearing altogether. “…don’t see?” 

Hulk heaved a long, pained groan. “Don’t tease me like that, Fruity Pebbles.” 

“You like it, Hulkster. Don’t lie.” Although Hulk couldn’t see John’s face, he knew the man was grinning broadly. Then, he suddenly felt a weight press down on his lap – the familiar weight of the other wrestler’s toned buttocks pressing onto his groin.

Hulk’s hands reached out instinctively, grabbing at John’s fleshy hips with a squeeze. “I don’t gotta see ya to know what you’re ‘gunnin for,” he chuckled warmly, his eyes sparkling darkly with lust. 

John’s sweet, girlish laughter echoed from close-by into Hulk’s ears. “Can’t argue with that one. You gonna do something about it then, or am I gonna have to bring out the old Sunset Flip Powerbomb?”

Growling with feral desire, Hulk suddenly reached forward to grasp at the invisible patch between the elusive wrestler’s supple thighs, where he could feel the familiar heat of a chubby package. It was already at half-mast, quick to throb under the touch of his impossibly rough, calloused hands. It was probably like being caressed by sandpaper, but clearly John didn’t mind.

“Aah…” A soft moan escaped John’s lips as Hulk curled his fingers about his invisible love-stick, the head already beginning to leak droplets of pre-cum that Hulk could feel, but not see. By now, the Hollywood Hulk knew exactly what buttons to push to make his lover writhe in his arms. He expertly grabbed the base of the other wrestler’s meat, squeezing upwards and rubbing his club-like thumb over the engorged tip. 

In his lap, John panted and squirmed like a dog in heat, his head lolling back against his better half’s shoulder. “L-Let me… show you just what the Cenation Leader can do…”

Hulk felt John’s weight slide off his lap, and soon after heard the soft  _ thunk _ of his knees hitting the floor. At first puzzled as to what his mate’s intentions were, Hulk was soon struck with understanding as something warm and wet suddenly wrapped around his own massive member. “Ghh---“ A grunt escaped him as he saw his cock being lifted up before his eyes by an unseen hand, pressed past invisible lips into a velvety mouth, where the other wrestler’s tongue danced as expertly around his shaft as John himself did in the ring. 

“We call this the  _ leg drop bulldog _ ,” John whispered with a lewd chuckle, before leaning in deeply enough to take all of Hulk’s gigantic beef into his mouth. Somehow he managed to fit all of the ridiculous length into his mouth and throat, causing Hulk to let out a loud purr of delight that echoed through the empty beach house like the roar of a whale at climax.

Hulk reached out to the air, grabbing a handful of the other wrestler’s invisible – but silky – locks to push his head down further. He heard a soft noise as John coughed around the gigantic fuckstick that was penetrating his throat, and the tightening sensation made Hulk release another heavy, throaty sigh that had his mustache once more fluttering like the ivory wings of a paper butterfly.

When at last John pulled his lover’s length from between his lips, Hulk reached out to grope around for the feel of the other man’s supple hips. When his fingers pressed against The Champ’s sweaty flesh, the older man grabbed his unseen partner and tossed him onto the couch with a bestial grunt. He heard the soft floof of John’s lissome form falling against the pillows, and the tinkle of his Fruity Pebbles’ laughter – his strong voice high-pitched and quivering with anticipation.

With his oversized manhood dangling between his meaty thighs, the Hulkster moved to lean over where the indentation on the couch was, pressed in from John’s unseen weight. A lascivious grin spread across his leathery lips as he reached down to grope the other male’s rump, fondling the voluptuous, muscular cheeks in his calloused palm. 

Luckily, because the two champions couldn’t keep their hands off each other when they were in the same vicinity, Hulk had the forethought to put a bottle of something very useful in a convenient location. He reached down between the cushions of the couch to feel around, and sure enough, he pulled out a bottle of translucent liquid that read,  _ Slimy Man’s Brutal Fuck Salve _ in bright, cursive pink letters. Beneath it, a sub-label noted it was cotton-candy flavored.

Hulk squirted a copious amount of the viscous liquid into his palm, then began to rub two fingers against the tight ring of the other man’s entrance. “You like cotton candy, don’tcha, Big-Match John?” he purred in a gravelly voice rich with desire. The sound of John’s lewd moans filled the air, along with the wet noises from the lubricant rubbing against his skin. 

Soon, Hulk slipped those two fingers inside John, sinking them in up to his knuckles. Since Hulk was no man of ordinary size, those beefy fingers were practically like squeezing two hot dogs into an keyhole, but fortunately John was already well-accustomed to this feeling. Hulk wiggled his hot dog digits and elicited a few more sweet, sultry cries from his unseen lover, who he could envision in his mind’s eye as wearing a visage of pure ecstasy.

 

Hulk was ready. He pulled his fingers out of the tight (but invisible) hole, then squirted more of the Brutal Fuck Salve onto his equally brutal fuck stick. The aroma of cotton candy filled the air, along with the tingling excitement that came with the lewd sound of Hulk rubbing the sticky liquid onto the massive baby-maker nested between his legs. 

“Don’t go easy on me, old man. Let’s make this a match for the ages.” Hulk heard John’s seductive whisper from beneath him, and in response, his flesh tower gave a throb of need. He grabbed it by the base and rubbed the engorged head against the other man’s entrance, smearing more of the lubricant against it. Then, he slowly pressed the tip inside, spreading the unseen ring open around the rod that was truly like four or five hot dogs bundled together.

As his numerous inches sank slowly deeper into John, Hulk let out a long, feral grunt. “We call this the  _ big boot _ ,” he growled throatily, before slamming his hips down hard – suddenly driving the rest of those countless hot dogs deep into the other man’s hole. 

John let out a yelp, and Hulk could sense his lover’s back arching salaciously beneath him. Once the other man adjusted to the feeling of that massive fuck rod spearing him, however, he let out a weak chuckle, and Hulk felt adoring hands caressing his impossibly bulging pectorals. “They don’t call you the  _ Unstoppable Force _ for nothing,” John moaned teasingly.

Grinning broadly, Hulk began to draw his hips back, only to slam them forward again in an intense thrust. The sofa groaned beneath the weight of the two wrestlers, threatening to just give up completely each time Hulk moved. He began to thrust in an increasingly rapid pace, and the sound of balls slapping against (invisible) flesh soon filled the living room as he pumped into the willing, nubile form of the male beneath him. His mustache flapped its tendrils with delight each time Hulk exhaled a heavy breath of bliss.

Finally, as both wrestlers began to reach their ultimate climax, Hulk leaned down to press his lips against John’s elusive own in a rough, wet kiss. It sealed in the crescendo of both of their moans as they ascended towards the gold medal of their peaks. 

It was John who came first, his invisible cock spraying out long ropes of, interestingly enough, visible fluid as the white stickiness splurted onto both his chest and Hulk’s. “My time… is now!” John moaned in mindless ecstasy. Inside him, Hulk’s pleasure rod throbbed and twitched, and finally, with an elephantine roar, the ivory mustachioed champion released his seed into his lover. The thick baby batter spilled out in copious amounts, and when Hulk slowly pulled back, it dripped out onto the poor and unsuspecting couch so heavily that it would doubtlessly be stained permanently.

“Too bad for the folks whose home we’re ‘rentin,”  Hulk chuckled mischievously after he’d recovered from the passionate session of making the two-backed beast. 

“They should’ve known better than to leave their house in the hands of the Hulkster and Mr. Money in the Bank,” John replied, the smirk on his face slowly becoming visible as he phased back into visibility – his sweaty, toned body covered in spunk.

Hulk planted a wet kiss onto John’s cheek with his mustache. “Good ‘fightin.”

 


End file.
